Just got out of 1st spiritual direction session. Not really going to go into it here on tumblr dot com, but I will say:
- she was gentle and marvelous
- I was an unprepared inarticulate dumdum fumbling along
- …. until she brought up Communion, and then words came very easily
- and then she almost made me cry bc she pointed out tender things about my Eucharist feelings, and it was just a lot
- and that’s all I’m going to say about that! Except thank you God and yes.
The risk in so treating the Babylon adventure is that some will conclude that these times in America are apocalyptic and then hasten on to confuse an American apocalypse with the Apocalypse. Well, these are apocalyptic days for America, I believe, but an American apocalypse is not likely to be the terminal event of history. To indulge this confusion is, I think, an inverse and perverse form of the same vanity in which the “American dream” or the popular mythology concerning a unique destiny of the American nation has come to so many, many Americans to mean grandiose visions of paradise found.
One hour, my hopes are sweet friends I sit with so patiently, feeling as though I’ve surrendered to possibility.
The next hour, they’re at odds with one another and my heart is in my throat with joy and fear and uncertainty.
I don’t have a sense of distress or anxiety so much. Only exquisite anticipation. My heart is a ripe fruit and there is a hand on my chest.
I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life.
Even the mercy of the Lord burns.
I’ve been playing music, friends. New music. Whole songs. For love, for God, for myself. Not for plans or shows or ambitions or record labels. Those can be good things but are no kinds of muses at all!!
I’ve been sleeping through the night. I’ve been walking around with a smile on my face. I’ve been working out, so as to not hide in some detached body-thing but to live in it and through it, care for it, thrive in this strange container that is my very own.
I’ve been getting out. I’ve been getting quiet. I’ve been cracking open the books. I need to pray more, but will that ever not be true?
Totally just bought dark brown hair dye bc I am vain and just can’t with these blondish roots. Lord knows I tried but this is one habit I can’t drop yet. I even dyed my hair black while hopping trains, infested with scabies and eating garbage. The only thing that’ll keep me away from this indulgence is complete infrastructure collapse. Or a habit w/veil. (And tbh sometimes one feels as likely as the other, in all possible ways.) Sorry not sorry. Hey if it’s good enough for Nick Cave for 100 straight years it’s good enough for me. (Exception: heroin)